Confessions of a Life Long Wallflower

As of tomorrow there are exactly 18 days left until I turn 25, a quarter of a century. If you would have asked me at 15, 18, 21, or even 23 that I would still be living at home, without some hope of marriage in the imminent future I would have laughed you out of the park and then burst into tears!

As a kid I started out wanting to be a nun. Then, I bounced the gamut from police woman to professional spelunker (a person who explores caves). Then in my early teens I decided I wanted to be a teacher. I had that goal in mind until I was about 15 and then God laid a new desire on my heart, to be a stay at home wife and mother.

So, as you can guess ever since I was 15 I've been waiting for my prince and his white horse to show up and as I sit here typing this 10 years later, I have yet to hear a peep or catch even a tiny glimpse over the horizon of my prince. The worry over whether I misinterpreted the call I felt God laid upon my heart has become over whelming some days. And as bad as I feel about bringing it up when there are so many other far worse problems in this world to pray for, whenever I do the advice I hear all sounds something like this.....

Don't worry, you're still young.....enjoy this season of singleness.....don't waste your single years.....there are lots of fish in the sea.....I didn't get married until I was in my 30's.....there are lots of girls who are older then you and not married yet.....

I know they mean well, but can someone just once say I know it sucks and that you're sacred out of your mind and I have no idea what God has in store for you, but if you feel that God laid this desire on your heart then keep on truckin'!

Instead of the almost mindless platitudes and just grin and bear it's!

Through the years I've read all the books I can find on Godly singleness/dating and as different as they all are, you want to know the one unifying theme they all have? Most of the book is spent telling me how to stop having/get over all of the harmful relationships I've had and am currently having and at 24 I'm a little tired of skimming the first 3/4 of a book because it doesn't apply to me!

I have never had even ONE guy express any sort of interest in me what so ever! Not even a little bit of flirting (Mom and Becca I know you thinking of PaBobMay, but the coffee guy does not count, he talks to Dad they same way!) I've prayed about and taken to heart the books advice, but where are all the guys I'm supposed to be having to beat off with a stick and my bible?

How can I live out what I felt and still feel God calling me to do if I can't even get a guy to wink at me? That particular calling is NOT one a person can accomplish on her own!!! I have prayed about going to collage and getting my teaching degree, going on mission trips short and long term, or looking into other careers, but God always says, no and wait. I have to say God, I'm getting rather discouraged and very tired of waiting!

My older sister and younger sister both are amazing and beautiful, and next to their myriad of accomplishments and talents I feel overshadowed and left behind. Since I graduated high school (what a bang up that was!) nothing much has changed, I'm still a nanny and even though I've prayed about other opportunities nothing has gotten the green flag.

So, here I sit a mere 18 days away from turning 25, scared out of my mind that somewhere along the line I messed up and missed Gods true calling in my life. What is wrong with me, what about me makes it so I can't even attract a hint of notice from a guy? Is there some big important step to becoming a Godly woman that I missed?

I truly feel that God has called me to be where I am and do what I'm doing, but there is always that what if hovering in the back of my head waiting for a weak moment to claw it's way into the forefront of my mind once more and obviously this is one of those moments!

As I see others accomplish goals and move forward along the paths God has laid out for them the feeling of being passed over only grows. Right now, I don't feel better about it! I'm sure soon, God will show me some verse or speak to my heart, but as for right now? I am left standing here holding up the wall watching the dance of life and love pass me by.

Sorry for being so depressing, but I wanted to get this off of my chest! Prayers and advice would be greatly appreciated!! =)

Previously on.....

This post is a small look at what's been going on in my life for the past few weeks!

~The Wardrobe Department~

Dress: Apt 9 via eBay

Cami: Jc Penny

Shoes: Target years ago

Earrings: Etsy from THIS SHOP

Lean back.....

.....now forward!

 Look at me, I could totally be an aerobics instructor.....hmm maybe not, I don't look good in spandex!

~A full house!~

Between Mothers day, her birthday and her anniversary, May is my Moms favorite month! We got to have my older sister and her husband here for two of those days, they've been here for about a week and leave in early June. It's been a full house, but fun!

~The first water fight of the season~

It was finally warm enough for the kids to use the water guns they'd gotten at Easter. They didn't hear the rule that the person holding the camera is not to get squirted.....

~Photography~

This is one of my favorite spots in the yard!

~Nail Polish~

This color is Greys Anatomy from Wet N Wild, it shimmers like the back of a June bug, it's looks much prettier in person!



Not my hand, but it was the best pic of what the color looks like I could find!

♥ My Favorite Things ♥

~This Movie~

I loved the book and the movie promises to be just as good! Yes, I will be seeing it in the theaters and yes I will be "dressing up"!

~This Bag~

I stumbled across it on Zappos but knew I would never buy it with the $170 price tag, but now I've found it for only $118.....

~These Shoes~

~This Necklace~

~This Ring~

Awkward and Awesome Thursday....Erm Friday!

~Awkward~

~Blogger being down since yesterday afternoon, I totally was going to do this post on Thursday! Oh well, there is always next time.....

~  While at Wal-Mart coming across a creepy looking man dressed in street clothes holding a price gun and looking down with an oh-my-gosh-how-did-this-whatever-it-is-get in-my-hands, look on his face and as I was um...rudely?....no covertly.....okay, maybe not so covertly studying him! Suddenly romantic music swells causing him to look up and as our eyes meet these words crooned out of nowhere...now my love has come along.....
My Mom looks over at me incredulously as if I've suddenly gone insane and as I sit there hopelessly gesturing to the man then to the cd sample player that is singing....there was some embarrassed waving and a very quick exit on my part! I guess I am always saying I want my own background music....be careful what you wish for!

~As previously mentioned my people watching skills need some work, I'm always getting caught!

~Being so excited about the 3 year old little boy I watch finally pooping in the potty! I am ridiculously excited.... *sigh* I know, I am such a dork.....my other finds are excited about shopping trips and Americas Next Top Model and I report that Nolan pooped, YEAH....wait, why aren't they as jazzed as I am? Oh yeah......   =-P

~Having to tell the Dad that he popped in the potty, it doesn't seem as awkward telling the Mom about their kids bodily functions, but the Dad always look so uncomfortable...plus after hearing what he sleeps in and how many squishy lumps he got taken off of his back (oh yeah, I've get lots of good info, beware those of you with nanny's, KIDS TALK) I might find talking to him a little uncomfy too...hehe, you sleep in your panties...hehehe

~Awesome~

~NOLAN POOPED IN THE POTTY! Not once but twice! Yes, good job little man! Is it really that weird my day was made better by this?

~I do love my job (for the most part) which is more then I can say for some people!

~Finally having a hair cut that I can just wash it, throw some gel in and let air dry! No more sitting there upside down for 15 minutes! Yeah!

~Tea time with my girls last night and starting to plan our summer! Dinner and movie nights, check. Pool time, check. Baby shower, check!

~The Brothers Winn. You must watch them, though I will warn you the videos are VERY addicting! They are funny and informative, plus it doesn't hurt that Jedd is adorable! Mock me all you want too, but that lop sided grin makes my heart melt! Smart, articulate and he has a killer smile? What female isn't going to be impressed? ;-)
(Gosh, I kind of hope they never stumble across this post, I sound a little creepy and stalkerish.....)

Introducing The Wardrobe Department and Various Other Ramblings

~I've decided to call my outfit posts The Wardrobe Department, like for movies and T.V.....Okay I know it's kind of dorky but I love seeing what people are wearing almost as much as I love the content of movies and such. I will keep watching something that I don't like if the costumes are good! =)

~Still listening to my High Kings Pandora station and still in love with it! It's Marie's Wedding by the High Kings right now....arm for arm and row an' row all for Marie's wedding, lalalalalalalala..... =-D

~I have a lunch of banana yogurt, blackberries and grape nuts waiting for me, yum!! I already mixed it up and am letting the grape nuts soften because as much as I love them, those little boogers are hard as rocks right out of the box! I wonder, what happens when they go stale? Do they get even harder?

~Thanks to the advice of an uppity tech snob......ahem.....a friend, I now have spell check on my browser, so no more having to copy and paste my Face Book text into a word document to spell check it! What, I can't be the only one who did that *crickets chirping* okay maybe I was.....

What to do with my hands? My short litle T-Rex arms DO NOT allow for artful draping.....

Dress- Apt 9 via eBay

Cami- Jc Penny tanktop 

Boots- Wal-Mart

I know! I'll walk across a log! I love it when other fashion bloggers have pictures of themselves walking across logs.....Hmm, what?....Wait are you saying that they have real logs? And are outside?.....Oh well, one must work with what one has and what I have an overactive imagination.....and short little T-Rex arms! ;-)

No, I am not wearing tights, my legs come by that unearthly paleness naturally thank you very much! They should be cast in the next big vampire movie, they could make millions! Heeey wait......

*sigh* I promise that these earrings are green, just a really dark forest green!

 Earrings- Bought from Amanda Flynn through her BLOG

Necklace- made by me

Wait, I thought this movie was coming out at Christmas? It's coming out May 20th? Yeah!!!! Hmm, maybe I should actually see the third one, though since Johny Depp didn't think the second two movies were worth watching (ouch) maybe it's not really necessary.....

Those are Pants?!?

Gypsy Pants

Yes, these are pants and I have no idea why I love them so much but I do! These pants, hippie dresses, big earrings, bare feet, those awesome brightly colored wagons and a love of wearing bells..... Hmm, maybe I've missed my true calling in life, anyone seen a caravan pass by recently? 

I had a pair of hot pink and white pants that were full like this as a kid and I loooooooved them to death. And I every time I wore them at least one person would say, "Whoa, nice pants!" In my 11 year old mind these were all compliments, but apparently I missed the subliminal message, because my family says they weren't saying nice pants in a  good way.....*sigh* oh well, I will just have to keep on loving them from afar.....or will I? ;-)

If you'd like to see more gypsy inspired loveliness Click Here! I'm assuming the company is called Holy Clothing because all of the clothes are made in Israel. When I first saw an add for them on Face Book I assumed it was for a modest clothing site! =)

Senior Portraits

I took some senior portraits of my younger sister yesterday and even though I only have a little Nikon L18(I'm hoping to upgrade sometime later this year, I really want THIS!)  and an editing program with only a few choices I think they turned out pretty well.  Let me know what you think!

I know she's going to be so pleased that I am doing a post with just pictures of her.....Hi Becca! ;-)



♥ My Favorite Things ♥

How cute are these mugs? Go HERE to see more! 

Front

Back

   This next mug has Lizzie Bennett on it. Lizzie is my favorite Jane Austen character. I always end up as her in personality tests, maybe that's why she's my favorite! =-D

Back (Love the quote!)

Custom portrait mugs? I love the idea! ;-)



A few OOTD and Some Other Randomness

~For those of you who are as out of the loop as I am, OOTD means Order of the Day, it took me a looong time to figure this out! I'm trying to come up with a better tittle for these posts then OOTD but so far inspiration has failed to strike!

~I promise I will start posting more regularly, it's been crazy 'round here lately!

~For those of you in love with all things Irish, try the High Kings Station on Pandora, I set it up yesterday and have been listing to it without disliking on single song ever since!

~It was 70 degrees here today! *squeal*

~For some inexplicable reason I was leaning back in all the pictures I took of this outfit.....

 Sweater~ Apt 9 via eBay

Jeans~ Layne Bryant via eBay

Cowboy Boots~ Wal-Mart

 Leaf Necklace~ Yard Sale

Earrings~ Hallmark



Shirt~ Fred Meyer

Skirt~ Made by me

Shoes~ Target

Earrings~ Made by me

Necklace~ Etsy